We decided to buy a small house on a large lot together and ‘flip’ it in 12-15 months to a developer after I had obtained the permits. As she was younger than I, we took the mortgage out in her name.

We did this for speed of application, as we wished to pursue our ‘plans’ as quickly as possible. After all , we were only going to be living there a relatively short time.

Within 9-months of moving in she became ill with clinical depression and was placed on anti-depressives, which as time went on became increasingly stronger. She then began to drink alcohol in secret and her resulting behavior patterns started to create all sorts of problems in our previously fantastic relationship.

I had to suspend applying for the Planning permits because it became apparent that her health was not going to be able to deal with any move from, or sale of, our property. As the years rolled on she became worse, she left her job on sick-leave. I started to care for her on an almost 24/7 basis, which nearly destroyed my own working life.

She was still taking anti-depressants , sleeping tablets, tranquillizers and having clandestine alcohol binges at fairly regular intervals. I tried to stop her drinking, she promised to stop drinking but the binges still occurred until they were at just 10 day intervals.

We used a few Librium based detox programs but after each one she went back to alcohol abuse within a short time. She had started collapsing in the street whilst out walking and was admitted to A&E by paramedics-medics as a result many times.

Then, one evening, as it became apparent that she’d begun another binge, she suddenly collapsed at home. She died three days later in Intensive Care of a cerebral aneurysm (stroke) aged just 49.

I immediately realized she had not made a will, but did not know that owing to her condition she had omitted to renew the ‘death’ cover on the mortgage insurance for our home, Or complete the nomination for myself under her own death insurance. As a result,at age 61 I lost everything.

I loved her very much, and she loved me perhaps even more, but in the face of the terrible combination of alcohol and prescribed drugs our once wonderful lives, with a great future, were plunged into a tragic conclusion that I never expected, or had any warning of.

If you are the partner/relative of anyone who is suffering a similar condition, always make sure that your own position within your relationship, as to important matters of finance and legalities is taken care of. Only in that way can you can face up to their difficult day-to-day existence and perhaps unexpected developments, with some element of security and safeguard. Don’t end up like myself.

- All-Alone

Don't get stuck in a bottle...

It continues to amaze me, some times even daily…, this lack of knowledge and ignorance that people – in general, have.

Then again, I read *somewhere* that 58 % (per cent) of American adults never read a book after high school, and that 70 % (per cent) haven’t been in a book store. And if those figures are transferable to the entire world, it’s not just sad. It’s downright tragic!

Education is important. Knowledge is power!

So I guess that give’s you one part of the explanation as to why I am continuously amazed – some times even daily, about the lack of knowledge and ignorance amongst people in general, particularly when the addiction disease is the topic of a discussion…

There are mainly two aspects of the addiction disease most people don’t understand, or are fully able to comprehend – at all…

The first is that addiction is a disease – and that it’s completely comparable with for instance allergy.

Side note – Questions:

You wouldnʼt give an apple to someone whoʼs allergic to apples – and would die of eating it, now would you?!

So why do you continue to offer alcohol – or any other drug, to an addict?!

Besides from the undisputed fact that the addiction disease is a deadly disease, it is also a two-parted disease;

First: You got the mental part of the disease, or as I prefer to call it: The mental insanity side of the disease.

The part that has complete control over your mind, your thoughts, your good and bad behaviour, your full subconscious inner-self.

The part that subconsciously and constantly speculates, calculates, make plans, comes up with new, plausible and not so plausible explanations, bad, poor and flimsy excuses, so that consumption can continue in loneliness with “somewhat” peace of mind…

Secondly: You got the physical part of the disease.
The part the controls your body, how it physically works and functions.

The part that – even though your addiction disease abuse might have caused various, numerous, life-threatening and life-challenging damages on your body and its organs, makes it ache and crave for more. Much more…

Whether you are addicted to alcohol, drugs, pills, a combined abuser (a+d+p), sex, shopping, gambling, training, work – you name it, ALL variations of an addiction disease has one main common denominator that lies as “the root” of it all – to call it that.

Since we are all cultural diversified individuals and live cultural diversified life’s, each addiction disease variation spreads out from this core root and leads to numerous and various results, diversified and different subsequent consequences.

Picture or visualize it like this:
The addiction disease is like the root of a tree, and each addiction variation of the disease is like the branches that grows and spreads out from the tree’s trunk.

If you look close enough, they all “look” quite differently, they all “grows” quite differently, they all “spreads out” quite differently, they all “behave” quite differently and the “final results” are quite, quite differently.

I am a recovering alcoholic, 41 years of age and I had a 22 year long addiction abuse “career” before I hit my rock bottom. During this period of time I have abused alcohol, drugs, pills and I have combined all mentioned in multiple combination, but my main addiction has always been alcohol. That’s what started it all…

I have been through a six week “life-style-changing” treatment program, and I have been provided with the right and proper tools to live a sober life. I have, among many, many other major, important and life changing discoveries, gotten a better understanding of my addiction disease.

I remember that, four weeks into this program, a female (alcohol addict) participant received a written invitation from some family members or close friends, for an upcoming wedding or big birthday party that – among many quite sensational and remarkable things said: “… You can drink red wine, now that you been through this 6 week alcoholic treatment program now can’t you???” … (I am NOT kidding!)

I mean – seriously! Come on!

It does make you wonder if this person actually thought and believed that this was a 6 week learn-how-to-drink program…

It also makes you wonder what “lack-of-knowledge” or plain, downright stupid and ignorant “life-bubble” some people actually live in…

I don’t hold it against them. I have learned not to. Because they do not know. They are uninformed, uneducated and ignorant individuals.

If you don’t have an open and unprejudiced mind, you are not able to learn about, gain insight into, fully understand or fully comprehend all aspects of an addiction disease – at all.

I have, since I left this program, watched and listened to a great number of other alcoholics, drug addicts and combined addicts share their life’s experiences with others, and what changes the six week “life-style-changing” treatment program has made on them personally, their values, their beliefs and the new-born hope and faith they have obtained for The New Life that lies ahead.

As with everything else in life, some with more realism, truthfulness, sincerity and trustworthiness than others…

Side note: It’s all in the mirror – remember?!

They have – like me, been provided with the right and proper tools to make the right choices in life.
How we choose to use these tools, are entirely up to us…

Even though I have learned a lot from watching and listening to this variety of addicts, the one person that – still to this day, have given me (being addicted to alcohol) the very most, and that reflected in my mirror in the strongest, hardest and most equal way, was a person that was addicted to gambling!

Think THROUGH THAT for a few moments…

I donʼt normally give book recommendations, but I will make one important exception:

“The Big Book” (Alcoholics Anonymous)

AAʼs entire organization is built upon the visionary steps and principles of this great book. And multiple anonymous addiction disease groupings have grown – and spread out, from this root over the years.

AA’s twelve step program is – in its core essence, a “Life-Style-Changing”-program. It’s “An Easy Program” for “Complicated Human Beings”!

It’s a book written almost 100 years ago, but it could just as well have been written today, and be valid for the next one hundred years to come.

There are three ways to read this book.
Which way you choose to read it, is entirely up to you.

I share this book with you with a sincere hope for a bigger insight in – and a better understanding of, the addiction disease and for freedom from co-addiction-dependency throughout a biggest possible joy of Life and fully self-experienced peace of mind.

An upmost friendly advice:
If you haven’t had enough (addiction disease) “beating”, and – if you are the one and only GOD in your own life – it’s not recommended reading…

You always have a choice;
To do this – or that… Follow this path – or that… Live – or die…

Lack of knowledge, pure ignorance and plain stupidity may kill you – or someone you love and/or care much about…

It’s not a game. It’s deadly serious.

What’s your choice?!
- or should I dare say “excuse”…?!

“The Viking”

*Please submit your anonymous stories here for the purpose of helping those addicted to drugs and alcohol or those who love them.

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Alcoholism is an illness with consequences

My Mom was an alcoholic.

She had an aneurysm because of drinking so much. It did not kill her, but she spent the remaining 20 years of her life in a wheelchair; unable to drink, or smoke…and she was miserable.

She lost all of her friends, they where alcoholics too, because she could not drink, and these people could not face there own mortality.

I have 2 kids and one grand, and we live in rental apartments. I wish almost every day that we still owned the house on the hill. It really sucks that alcohol was more important than me and her grands.

I love her, and have forgiven her, because I honestly do not believe she knew what she was doing; because of her alcoholism, she was eager to please her “friends”.

- Anonymous

Please submit your anonymous stories here  for the purpose of helping those addicted to drugs and alcohol or those who love them.

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Don't go over the edge!

In August of 1995 I had literally come to the end of the road. I was sitting on a rock out on Montauk Point LI NY staring out into the darkness at the Atlantic Ocean.

My life seemed pointless, I felt worthless as a parent, friend and in every aspect of my life. Drugs including alcohol were no longer giving me any relief from the emptiness and worthlessness that I felt inside. I no longer could pretend to myself or others that I was OK. I could no longer function in society and my life was unmanageable in every area. I wanted to die and as I sat out there in the dark all I wanted to do was summon up the courage to jump out into the ocean and end my life. I cried , I screamed out to the god I no longer believed in to help me jump.

I was out of money. I had no real friends. My ex-wife and 2 children had lost all respect for me, the engine in my car was shot, and I could no longer function at work. I was way beyond hopelessness ,deeply disturbed, despairing of the mess I had created in my active addiction. And I didn’t realize that I had a choice. Death seemed to be the only alternative.

A few hours passed by and I still didn’t jump. The sky was beginning to lighten up in the east and either I didn’t have the guts to end my life or a higher power was looking out for me. The first rays of the sun beaned across the ocean and hit me directly in the eyes, an unexpected sense of calmness came over me. I realized that I wasn’t going to die on this day and I needed help. I no longer could keep drinking and drugging , perhaps I wasn’t as useless and alone as i felt. I had a small glimpse of hope.

I got back into the borrowed car that I was driving and returned it to my using buddy. She took one look at me and told me that we were going to a meeting. She was going to stop using again and I should go with her. I don’t remember too much about the meeting except it was a basement room filled with addicts who shared about what was going on in their lives.

I heard people sharing about losing jobs, lovers, their friends to the disease of addiction and some from AIDS. And everyone that shared ended by saying ” and I didn’t find it necessary to use today”. Wow what a concept! Could I really change, was I no longer alone? (to be continued)

- anonymous submission by ‘Rob’.  

To All:  Please submit your thoughts, ideas and / or stories about drug and alcohol addiction / abuse here.

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“The problem is not the addiction itself but the deeper issue of how the person sees himself. I believe we need more programs to assist people to see the greatness in themselves, to build up their sense of self worth, to discover that they too occupy a valuable place on this planet.

No one is here by accident. We all have the opportunity to start again IF the individual really wants to improve their life. Help will always appear if the want is there. David, you are a beacon in the dark for those who want to live in the light.”

Thank you Linda.  Your words are very powerful and I believe they will help people who come to visit this site.   And I agree with you – many times what is hidden behind an addiction is an insecurity or low self-esteem.   Sometimes, there may be other things at play.  But many times it very well could be an insecurity and a person’s sense of self worth. 

I had a friend who was a psychologist and most of his practice was based on improving a person’s self worth.  He had techniques that people could use to improve their self esteem.  Some of his ideas were very interesting…

  Thank you again Linda. 

To All:  Please submit your comments, ideas and / or stories about drug and alcohol addiction / abuse here.

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“It is not how much you drink or how often you drink but what happens when you do drink! The last person to know you are an alcoholic is you!”

Thank you Chris!  It is the little comments like these that sum up true experience and are capable of helping others to enlighten to the seriousness and gravity of the problem of alcohol addiction and abuse.  As you said:  The person addicted is often the last person to realize it. 

Addiction is difficult on a person physically, mentally and last, but not least: spiritually.  When addiction gets bad, the alcoholic may find himself doing terrible things to feed or hide his addiction!  And the addiction takes its toll on loved ones as well – in many ways.

Thank you again Chris. 

To all:  Please submit your alcohol or drug abuse / addiction  comment, or story here.

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Anyway, he stayed overnight at my cousin’s house and was too drunk to get up and go to the bathroom.  You can guess what happened from the title of this post. 

The worst part?   He didn’t bother to clean it up or even tell anyone about it.  He simply got up the next morning and left the house without so much as a “thank you”.  He left his mess for others to clean up.  I believe they ended up throwing the mattress away. 

This is the power of addiction.  You become so much of a burden on others.  It is a shame…   Don’t let this happen to you or someone you love.  This is the sickness that addiction brings. 

Submit your alcohol or drug addiction stories here.

Learn from this experience

I remember a drug and alcohol abuse story that I want to share.   Sometimes something bad has to happen for people to be able to recognize that they have a problem and need help. This is one such story.

I remember a couple that came to visit me in the park while I was practicing the peaceful meditation practice of Falun Dafa.  They were drawn to me by the gentle, slow moving exercises of Falun Gong that I was practicing.  Since they seemed like nice people I stopped to chat with them for a while and to show them a bit about what I was doing.

They took some information and went along on their way.   About six or eight months later, I saw the girl again, but without her boyfriend.   This time things were different.   She had a terrible scar running down the side of her face. 

I asked her what had happened and she told me the story of how her boyfriend was driving while on alcohol and possibly drugs.  They had an accident and that is how she got the scar on her face.  

This is what it took for the boyfriend to realize that he had a problem.  He was filled with remorse and grief over what he did to his girlfriend.  Therefore, he made the choice to voluntarily go into rehab. 

I’m glad he went to rehab but it is a shame that this terrible accident had to happen for him to wake up and take notice of how his addiction did not only affect himself but also the people that he loved and was close to. 

I hope that anyone who read this can take a lesson from the story.  This is a true story.  I did not make it up.  It is important to realize that your addiction does affect other people.  If not physically, which is OFTEN the case, then definitely mentally and emotionally.  And even though the mental and emotional trauma may not be as obvious, it is real damage none-the-less.

Let this story server as a warning and a lesson to you.  It is better to profit from the lessons learned from others’ experiences than to have to go through the experience yourself.  Evaluate carefully, if you have a problem with drugs and alcohol and if you do, get yourself into rehab before you hurt the people you love.  Just do it.

Click here to submit your anonymous alcohol or drug related story so that others can benefit

I have many stories to share and it is my hope that others will anonymously post their stories – good and bad – about drug and alcohol use and abuse.  I hope that we can build an online storehouse of drug and alcohol related stores to serve as information, warning and a beacon of light to those who would like to escape addiction or those who love someone they want to help. 

It’s not easy to beat a strong addiction.  Perhaps a list of drug rehab centers would help.  Alcohol addicitons, while perhaps legal, are no less of a challenge. In some ways, they could be more of a challenge because of the legal status of alcohol.  Therefore, a list of alcohol rehab centers may also be useful.   You may find plenty of the same centers on both lists which serves to even further underscore that an addiction is an addiction and alcohol is simply another drug. 

Therefore, I encourage all to share their anonymous stories – please change names to protect all parties and leave out or change anything that could identify someone.  We are here to share the story, not the person behind the story.  If you are a doctor or counselor that works in the field, please feel welcome to share your stories, good or bad, about drug and alcohol abuse or anything related as well.  Everyone is welcome to post their anonymous stories about drug or alcohol abuse.   

Please click here to share your anonymous stories here.