Posts Tagged ‘alcohol abuse’

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All Alone Now – A Story of Alcohol and Prescription Drugs…

Thursday, October 15th, 2009

alcohol addictionMy partner was 13yrs younger than myself when we began our relationship, when she was 43. She was a highly qualified Psychiatric Nurse, in a secure job and very well paid.

We decided to buy a small house on a large lot together and ‘flip’ it in 12-15 months to a developer after I had obtained the permits. As she was younger than I, we took the mortgage out in her name.

We did this for speed of application, as we wished to pursue our ‘plans’ as quickly as possible. After all , we were only going to be living there a relatively short time.

Within 9-months of moving in she became ill with clinical depression and was placed on anti-depressives, which as time went on became increasingly stronger. She then began to drink alcohol in secret and her resulting behavior patterns started to create all sorts of problems in our previously fantastic relationship.

I had to suspend applying for the Planning permits because it became apparent that her health was not going to be able to deal with any move from, or sale of, our property. As the years rolled on she became worse, she left her job on sick-leave. I started to care for her on an almost 24/7 basis, which nearly destroyed my own working life.

She was still taking anti-depressants , sleeping tablets, tranquillizers and having clandestine alcohol binges at fairly regular intervals. I tried to stop her drinking, she promised to stop drinking but the binges still occurred until they were at just 10 day intervals.

We used a few Librium based detox programs but after each one she went back to alcohol abuse within a short time. She had started collapsing in the street whilst out walking and was admitted to A&E by paramedics-medics as a result many times.

Then, one evening, as it became apparent that she’d begun another binge, she suddenly collapsed at home. She died three days later in Intensive Care of a cerebral aneurysm (stroke) aged just 49.

I immediately realized she had not made a will, but did not know that owing to her condition she had omitted to renew the ‘death’ cover on the mortgage insurance for our home, Or complete the nomination for myself under her own death insurance. As a result,at age 61 I lost everything.

I loved her very much, and she loved me perhaps even more, but in the face of the terrible combination of alcohol and prescribed drugs our once wonderful lives, with a great future, were plunged into a tragic conclusion that I never expected, or had any warning of.

If you are the partner/relative of anyone who is suffering a similar condition, always make sure that your own position within your relationship, as to important matters of finance and legalities is taken care of. Only in that way can you can face up to their difficult day-to-day existence and perhaps unexpected developments, with some element of security and safeguard. Don’t end up like myself.

- All-Alone

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What’s Your Choice?!

Monday, January 19th, 2009
Don't get stuck in a bottle...

Don't get stuck in a bottle...

It continues to amaze me, some times even daily…, this lack of knowledge and ignorance that people – in general, have.

Then again, I read *somewhere* that 58 % (per cent) of American adults never read a book after high school, and that 70 % (per cent) haven’t been in a book store. And if those figures are transferable to the entire world, it’s not just sad. It’s downright tragic!

Education is important. Knowledge is power!

So I guess that give’s you one part of the explanation as to why I am continuously amazed – some times even daily, about the lack of knowledge and ignorance amongst people in general, particularly when the addiction disease is the topic of a discussion…

There are mainly two aspects of the addiction disease most people don’t understand, or are fully able to comprehend – at all…

The first is that addiction is a disease – and that it’s completely comparable with for instance allergy.

Side note – Questions:

You wouldnʼt give an apple to someone whoʼs allergic to apples – and would die of eating it, now would you?!

So why do you continue to offer alcohol – or any other drug, to an addict?!

Besides from the undisputed fact that the addiction disease is a deadly disease, it is also a two-parted disease;

First: You got the mental part of the disease, or as I prefer to call it: The mental insanity side of the disease.

The part that has complete control over your mind, your thoughts, your good and bad behaviour, your full subconscious inner-self.

The part that subconsciously and constantly speculates, calculates, make plans, comes up with new, plausible and not so plausible explanations, bad, poor and flimsy excuses, so that consumption can continue in loneliness with “somewhat” peace of mind…

Secondly: You got the physical part of the disease.
The part the controls your body, how it physically works and functions.

The part that – even though your addiction disease abuse might have caused various, numerous, life-threatening and life-challenging damages on your body and its organs, makes it ache and crave for more. Much more…

Whether you are addicted to alcohol, drugs, pills, a combined abuser (a+d+p), sex, shopping, gambling, training, work – you name it, ALL variations of an addiction disease has one main common denominator that lies as “the root” of it all – to call it that.

Since we are all cultural diversified individuals and live cultural diversified life’s, each addiction disease variation spreads out from this core root and leads to numerous and various results, diversified and different subsequent consequences.

Picture or visualize it like this:
The addiction disease is like the root of a tree, and each addiction variation of the disease is like the branches that grows and spreads out from the tree’s trunk.

If you look close enough, they all “look” quite differently, they all “grows” quite differently, they all “spreads out” quite differently, they all “behave” quite differently and the “final results” are quite, quite differently.

I am a recovering alcoholic, 41 years of age and I had a 22 year long addiction abuse “career” before I hit my rock bottom. During this period of time I have abused alcohol, drugs, pills and I have combined all mentioned in multiple combination, but my main addiction has always been alcohol. That’s what started it all…

I have been through a six week “life-style-changing” treatment program, and I have been provided with the right and proper tools to live a sober life. I have, among many, many other major, important and life changing discoveries, gotten a better understanding of my addiction disease.

I remember that, four weeks into this program, a female (alcohol addict) participant received a written invitation from some family members or close friends, for an upcoming wedding or big birthday party that – among many quite sensational and remarkable things said: “… You can drink red wine, now that you been through this 6 week alcoholic treatment program now can’t you???” … (I am NOT kidding!)

I mean – seriously! Come on!

It does make you wonder if this person actually thought and believed that this was a 6 week learn-how-to-drink program…

It also makes you wonder what “lack-of-knowledge” or plain, downright stupid and ignorant “life-bubble” some people actually live in…

I don’t hold it against them. I have learned not to. Because they do not know. They are uninformed, uneducated and ignorant individuals.

If you don’t have an open and unprejudiced mind, you are not able to learn about, gain insight into, fully understand or fully comprehend all aspects of an addiction disease – at all.

I have, since I left this program, watched and listened to a great number of other alcoholics, drug addicts and combined addicts share their life’s experiences with others, and what changes the six week “life-style-changing” treatment program has made on them personally, their values, their beliefs and the new-born hope and faith they have obtained for The New Life that lies ahead.

As with everything else in life, some with more realism, truthfulness, sincerity and trustworthiness than others…

Side note: It’s all in the mirror – remember?!

They have – like me, been provided with the right and proper tools to make the right choices in life.
How we choose to use these tools, are entirely up to us…

Even though I have learned a lot from watching and listening to this variety of addicts, the one person that – still to this day, have given me (being addicted to alcohol) the very most, and that reflected in my mirror in the strongest, hardest and most equal way, was a person that was addicted to gambling!

Think THROUGH THAT for a few moments…

I donʼt normally give book recommendations, but I will make one important exception:

“The Big Book” (Alcoholics Anonymous)

AAʼs entire organization is built upon the visionary steps and principles of this great book. And multiple anonymous addiction disease groupings have grown – and spread out, from this root over the years.

AA’s twelve step program is – in its core essence, a “Life-Style-Changing”-program. It’s “An Easy Program” for “Complicated Human Beings”!

It’s a book written almost 100 years ago, but it could just as well have been written today, and be valid for the next one hundred years to come.

There are three ways to read this book.
Which way you choose to read it, is entirely up to you.

I share this book with you with a sincere hope for a bigger insight in – and a better understanding of, the addiction disease and for freedom from co-addiction-dependency throughout a biggest possible joy of Life and fully self-experienced peace of mind.

An upmost friendly advice:
If you haven’t had enough (addiction disease) “beating”, and – if you are the one and only GOD in your own life – it’s not recommended reading…

You always have a choice;
To do this – or that… Follow this path – or that… Live – or die…

Lack of knowledge, pure ignorance and plain stupidity may kill you – or someone you love and/or care much about…

It’s not a game. It’s deadly serious.

What’s your choice?!
- or should I dare say “excuse”…?!

“The Viking”

*Please submit your anonymous stories here for the purpose of helping those addicted to drugs and alcohol or those who love them.

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Teetering on the Edge…

Sunday, January 4th, 2009
Dont go over the edge!

Don't go over the edge!

In August of 1995 I had literally come to the end of the road. I was sitting on a rock out on Montauk Point LI NY staring out into the darkness at the Atlantic Ocean.

My life seemed pointless, I felt worthless as a parent, friend and in every aspect of my life. Drugs including alcohol were no longer giving me any relief from the emptiness and worthlessness that I felt inside. I no longer could pretend to myself or others that I was OK. I could no longer function in society and my life was unmanageable in every area. I wanted to die and as I sat out there in the dark all I wanted to do was summon up the courage to jump out into the ocean and end my life. I cried , I screamed out to the god I no longer believed in to help me jump.

I was out of money. I had no real friends. My ex-wife and 2 children had lost all respect for me, the engine in my car was shot, and I could no longer function at work. I was way beyond hopelessness ,deeply disturbed, despairing of the mess I had created in my active addiction. And I didn’t realize that I had a choice. Death seemed to be the only alternative.

A few hours passed by and I still didn’t jump. The sky was beginning to lighten up in the east and either I didn’t have the guts to end my life or a higher power was looking out for me. The first rays of the sun beaned across the ocean and hit me directly in the eyes, an unexpected sense of calmness came over me. I realized that I wasn’t going to die on this day and I needed help. I no longer could keep drinking and drugging , perhaps I wasn’t as useless and alone as i felt. I had a small glimpse of hope.

I got back into the borrowed car that I was driving and returned it to my using buddy. She took one look at me and told me that we were going to a meeting. She was going to stop using again and I should go with her. I don’t remember too much about the meeting except it was a basement room filled with addicts who shared about what was going on in their lives.

I heard people sharing about losing jobs, lovers, their friends to the disease of addiction and some from AIDS. And everyone that shared ended by saying ” and I didn’t find it necessary to use today”. Wow what a concept! Could I really change, was I no longer alone? (to be continued)

- anonymous submission by ‘Rob’.  

To All:  Please submit your thoughts, ideas and / or stories about drug and alcohol addiction / abuse here.

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I Know That You Know You Are An Alcoholic!

Friday, January 2nd, 2009
Don't get stuck in a bottle

Don't get stuck in a bottle

Hi,

I read your “You Are the Last Person to Know You Are an Alcoholic!” posting… and this: “It is not how much you drink or how often you drink but what happens when you do drink! The last person to know you are an alcoholic is you!”

To reply/comment on that last part in particular: “The last person to know you are an alcoholic is you!”

I almost started my comment out with: “Are you F…… kidding me?!” But I reconsidered, so I am not going to…

If that’s how you look at your own addiction disease, you’ve surely got a surprise coming, and I might warn you up front… A BIG one!

If that’s how you look at your own addiction disease, you are CLARELY – and without NO DOUBT, living on a big, fat lie. You are probably hiding yourself behind it, if I sense it right.

Let me tell you something: You’re not fooling any other than yourself!

I am a recovering alcoholic, now 41 years of age. I began my drinking career when I was 12 years of age, and let me share a secret with you:

I knew from the very first second on that very first time that I had a problem with alcohol.

Why?

Because: I was not in any way like any and all others when I drank;
- I didn’t feel like (probably) any and all others. I felt normal…

- I didn’t consume the same amount of alcohol like any and all others. I doubled, trippled and some times quadrupled other people’s amount.

- I didn’t behave like any and all others. The consequences of my alcohol & drug abuse over the years… It’s a sad story…

- I couldn’t stop like any and all others. When others went home because they’ve had enough, I stayed out, seeking out other sources to get more, much more.

- I got more sick than any and all others. The above mentioned in multiple combinations… You do the math!

I carried this wisdom with me, in every second on every day of my 22 year drinking career, so please don’t tell me BS like “The last person to know you are an alcoholic is you!”.

I know that you know! I also know that you have known it for a long, long time!

I know ALL about your mind, ALL about your thoughts, ALL about how your body work and behave,
- and how it aches for more, each and every day.

I know ALL about whether you are sincere – enough – or not.

I know ALL about whether you lie – about your disease – or not.

I know ALL about every lame excuses you have used, and ALL about those you plan to use.

I know ALL about every plans you have used, and ALL about those you plan to use, to get more…

I know ALL about every experience you have had, and ALL about the subsequent consequences…

I know ALL about the experiences you are going to get, if you need more (addiction disease) “beating”.

I know ALL about your up’s and down’s in Life. Trust me. I know.

If you are an addict – like me, I know about ALL aspects of you, your life, your inner thoughts, your behaviour, your good and bad habits,
what you might say and what you might not want to say, what you might do and what you might not want to do.

And I can let you in on WHY I know this, and WHY I so profoundly and blatantly can proclaim that I do:

Because YOU are in MY Mirror!
- just as much as I am in Yours!

So I know EVERYTHING!

I have (literally!) been there, done AND experienced that!

The sooner YOU realize that YOU are An Alcoholic…, and the sooner YOU realize that YOU are NOT in control of YOUR OWN own life, and admit YOURSELF 100 per cent, fully and completely to that two parted life changing confession, only then will you be able to do something about it.

I repeat: ONLY THEN!

Then again, the admission is only do-able, if you have had enough (addiction disease) “beating”…

Have you – or do you need some more?!
“The Viking”

 

Please submit your anonymous stories here  for the purpose of helping those addicted to drugs and alcohol or those who love them.

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Addiction and Self-Esteem or Self Worth

Tuesday, December 30th, 2008

Linda wrote in to share: 

“The problem is not the addiction itself but the deeper issue of how the person sees himself. I believe we need more programs to assist people to see the greatness in themselves, to build up their sense of self worth, to discover that they too occupy a valuable place on this planet.

No one is here by accident. We all have the opportunity to start again IF the individual really wants to improve their life. Help will always appear if the want is there. David, you are a beacon in the dark for those who want to live in the light.”

Thank you Linda.  Your words are very powerful and I believe they will help people who come to visit this site.   And I agree with you – many times what is hidden behind an addiction is an insecurity or low self-esteem.   Sometimes, there may be other things at play.  But many times it very well could be an insecurity and a person’s sense of self worth. 

I had a friend who was a psychologist and most of his practice was based on improving a person’s self worth.  He had techniques that people could use to improve their self esteem.  Some of his ideas were very interesting…

  Thank you again Linda. 

To All:  Please submit your comments, ideas and / or stories about drug and alcohol addiction / abuse here.

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You Are the Last Person to Know You Are an Alcoholic!

Tuesday, December 30th, 2008

Chris wrote in to say: 

“It is not how much you drink or how often you drink but what happens when you do drink! The last person to know you are an alcoholic is you!”

Thank you Chris!  It is the little comments like these that sum up true experience and are capable of helping others to enlighten to the seriousness and gravity of the problem of alcohol addiction and abuse.  As you said:  The person addicted is often the last person to realize it. 

Addiction is difficult on a person physically, mentally and last, but not least: spiritually.  When addiction gets bad, the alcoholic may find himself doing terrible things to feed or hide his addiction!  And the addiction takes its toll on loved ones as well – in many ways.

Thank you again Chris. 

To all:  Please submit your alcohol or drug abuse / addiction  comment, or story here.

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Alcohol and Driving Drunk

Monday, December 15th, 2008
Mothers Against Drunk Driving

Mothers Against Drunk Driving

I still remember hearing the news about my friend Vicki.  I heard it on the bus on the way home from school.  

I remember so well because just a few moments before hearing the NEWS, I had a bad feeling.  I had the kind of feeling that tells you something is about to happen or something has happened.  Do you know that one?

Vicki had been hit and killed by a drunk truck driver.  Not only did he kill her just after she walked off a school bus, but he plowed over the guard building in the apartment complex that she lived in.  What a terrible day.

We were seniors in High School just a few months away from graduation, she had her whole life in front of her until that sad moment. The ironic part of this story is that she was the president of our local S.A.D.D chapter.  (Students Against Drunk Driving).   Can you believe that?   It is a true story. 

We all miss Vicki.  She was a kind hearted person with some religious conviction.  It is sad to remember the story even when writing about it.  She was 17 or 18 years old at the time. 

Rest in peace, Vicki.

Please submit your alcohol or drug abuse story to help and warn others of the dangers of drug and alcohol abuse.

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Drug and Alcohol Addiction Slide Show – Must Watch….

Thursday, December 11th, 2008
Drugs Mutilate and Kill

Drugs Mutilate and Kill

I thought this Slide Show on drug and alcohol abuse was pretty cool.  I know it is a little gruesome to watch, but it is good to be aware of what can happen.  After all, that is what this site is all about.

I think this slide show is a great educational piece about the consequences of drug and alcohol addiction.  When I watched the movie: Leaving Las Vegas, I was extremely depressed.  I felt awful.

I think it was the uncomfortable feeling that comes from watching someone throw his life away. In that movie, Nicholas Cage portrays a man bent on self destruction. His goal is to intentionally drink himself to death.   I still don’t like thinking about the movie to this day.

But again, it is really, really important to understand where walking down the path of addiction can take you.   Check out the slide show and then come back here to leave your comments, please.

Click Here to See the Slide Show
 (scroll down the page a few inches to see the show, it starts automatically)

Pretty crazy, right?  Well, let me know your thoughts after watching this slide show – please leave your comments below.

-Dave

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Alcohol – Too Much Turned Me Off

Wednesday, December 3rd, 2008
Stop Drinking so much
Stop Drinking so much

When I was 23 years old, I had my worst experience with alcohol.  I went to my 5 year high school reunion.  They were serving wine there and I drank a lot.  When I left, I drove the wrong way out of the parking lot towards another city – far from where I lived. 

I was so high at the time that when I finally realized I was going the wrong way I hopped over the medium to get to the other lane.  I was ‘out of it’ enough to miss the fact that there was a low concrete median line between the two lanes on the road. 

I remember thinking, “I hope there were no cops around to see that” . 

The next thing I remember was waking up in my own bed the next morning.  I don’t even remember the drive home after that hop over the dividing line on the highway.   I was hung over for 3 days.   I hated that feeling.  My brain was foggy and I had trouble thinking and focusing.  I knew this could not happen to me again.

That’s when I knew that I had to stop drinking.   And I did.  I’ve had very little alcohol since and that was 17 years ago now.

You could say that it was easy for me to reach my ‘bottom’.  A lot of people have to go a whole lot further. I’m glad my bottom was easy to hit.   It has probably saved my life.  I do not want to think how much worse things could have become. 

There is this concept of the ‘bottom’ that all drug addicts will probably hit at some point in time.  This is where they realize something like, ” I need to quit this XXXX or I might die”.   That is the crucial moment.  This is where the personality has to decide, do I care or not? 

If you want to live, this is where determination kicks in.  You need to have or develop the will and you need to fight.  The depth of addiction determines how much will power  you will need to triumph.  Getting help will definitely be a boost.  

There are many stories worse than this one.  If you have a story to share that can help others, please share it.  On the upper right hand side of this page, you will see a link to submit your story. 

David   

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The End of Drug and Alcohol Addiction

Wednesday, November 26th, 2008

davidWell, ok – that title is a bit grandiose.  But if you think about it, perhaps not so much.  The transformation occurs on an individual level. Others have beat their drug and alcohol addictions before.  Therefore it is possible!

I have many stories to share and it is my hope that others will anonymously post their stories – good and bad – about drug and alcohol use and abuse.  I hope that we can build an online storehouse of drug and alcohol related stores to serve as information, warning and a beacon of light to those who would like to escape addiction or those who love someone they want to help. 

It’s not easy to beat a strong addiction.  Perhaps a list of drug rehab centers would help.  Alcohol addicitons, while perhaps legal, are no less of a challenge. In some ways, they could be more of a challenge because of the legal status of alcohol.  Therefore, a list of alcohol rehab centers may also be useful.   You may find plenty of the same centers on both lists which serves to even further underscore that an addiction is an addiction and alcohol is simply another drug. 

Therefore, I encourage all to share their anonymous stories – please change names to protect all parties and leave out or change anything that could identify someone.  We are here to share the story, not the person behind the story.  If you are a doctor or counselor that works in the field, please feel welcome to share your stories, good or bad, about drug and alcohol abuse or anything related as well.  Everyone is welcome to post their anonymous stories about drug or alcohol abuse.   

Please click here to share your anonymous stories here.

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